Dear Small One. {Part 1}

*Written throughout the past 8 months.

Today I found out that I am a parent. It is a winter day and the snow and wind have blown into this city making the side alleys insurmountable and main roads terrifying. This morning I woke up with a feeling and when it was affirmed I couldn't help but sit and weep. I will never forget the look on your Papa's face when he found out about you as well. Confusion mixed precariously with excitement, like when you stumble upon someone who has witnessed a miracle. Tonight our embraces lingered and our silly grins smirked at one another all evening. As I lay in your Papa's arms, he made a $5.00 bet that you are a boy. We shook on it and contentedly fell asleep.

***
Our midwife told us not to worry if she couldn't find your heartbeat because it was still too early. She gently placed the fetal monitor exactly on the place she had a hunch you would be and there you were. Your heartbeat was brisk, vibrant, and strong. I imagined you thriving and that is exactly what you were doing. Thriving and growing and making your presence known. Your Papa leaned forward on his chair and my eyes shot up to meet his. We hardly know of you but a deep and profound gratitude and praise for your life has already begun to burn in our bellies, choke us up in our throats, rise in our comings and goings throughout the day, and linger on the beginnings and endings of our sentences. We are so glad you are ours.

***
I have started to feel you move within me and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it at first. Light tickles, gentle prods, and then finally, hearty kicks. Yes, you are strong.

***
Your Papa and I have started to talk about what we will name you. He loves the ring of French names and I am a stickler for meaning and definition. Somewhere in the middle we will meet and it will be beautiful. May your heart continue to beat strong, may your name resonate within and without you, and may we champion your name and sing it long and full. You are loved.